Boys do the most unthinkable things. Like hopping and knocking himself against the table’s edge which has been there like before he was even born and had a nasty cut on his nose bridge. Any lower, it would’ve resulted in a broken nose.

That was Wednesday night.

Last Friday, we had a wedding dinner invitation and the kids showered. Ariz just came out of the shower and I was just finished praying Asr. Suddenly he leaned backward with a loud thud and started to shake with eyes rolled up.

I picked him up, calling his name again and again with no response. Carried him to the tap to sponge him down. He had fever the night before and he’s had 3 febrile seizures before and I knew the drill, but the last one was more than 2 years ago.  I honestly thought he’d outgrown it.

When he came to, he was still listless and I rushed to get more tap water to wet his head and body and I put him of the bed. I slipped and fell in the toilet and hurt my ankle which I never felt until all was over.  It was pure adrenaline at that point in time.

Ayisha was at tuition. Aliya was my pillar of strength when MrGart was not home. She asked me whether to go to the clinic or straight to the hospital or to call for an ambulance. She called my twin for advice and Adani grabbed Ariz’s clothes. Decided to go to the clinic for the much needed voltaren  suppository to lower the fever. My stock has expired.  Turned out his temp was 39.6C. Very high.  Spiky high.

He was talking by then, protesting to be sponged down. I was able to speak then, instead of choked with tears. Writing this brings tears to my eyes, still.

We were asked to go straight to the ER of SDeeMC and I refused admission after securing an appoitment with the pediatric neurologist today. Ariz had no noticeable fever then on.

We went to see the neurologist today and although she was sure that he would grow out of the seizures by the time he turns 6, she cautions us that some kids do develop epilepsy. And most cases may be controlled with drugs.

Since its hereditary, we went through the family history and it was clear that it’s MrGart’s side again. With the eczema, the sinus, the athma and now the seizures. I felt like crying there and then. I didn’t know hat I was thinking. I smiled confidently at the doctor but my heart sank.

I’ve been reading about febrile seizures and epilepsy and am not entirely comforted either.  I felt like I should have him under my eye all the time.  I felt helpless.  I felt so scared of the what-ifs because those are serious what-ifs.

O’Allah, I seek refuge in you. I ask of your protection on Ariz. I ask of your mercy on him. Grant him good health.

I need a good cry. The kind that makes you sob and you sob and sob again before you pick yourself up, believing that you can do this. There’s a reason for everything. Then I found Kelle Hampton‘s blog. In February, she gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl called Nella Cordelia, who has Down Syndrome. I cried reading this post and I felt so moved by her honesty in the way that she writes.

I took strength in her and if she could shoulder up and face the world, then I can do it too. After all, my problems are so so much pettier than hers are.

Do pray for us. Only time will tell and that only Allah knows.

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